October 21, 2008
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I feel a little better today.
I rode Pilot yesterday. He started off being a lunatic, basically! Full of spring grass. Safety First.... so my behavioural work had to take a back seat and I put him on the lunge and let him leap around like an idiot for ten minutes. Lots of trot/canter transitions. When he looked pretty hot and bothered I got back on. It needs to be said that I was beside myself at this point - I had worked myself into a panic that I couldn't ride my own horse... I was scared of SOMETHING... I was shaking and I couldn't bring myself to ask for canter because he had been bucking so much and it seemed to be in the upward transition to canter. Honestly I was a mess - trying to breathe and tell myself that I have never actually fallen off him.. that I have been riding him for years... that I just needed to do it... finally I did it and all was well. When I called my friend Helena to tell her about it, she said she reckoned that I wasn't afraid of falling off, I was afraid that it was all going to turn pear shaped and that I wouldn't be able to fix it. Good point, actually. I'm so worried about failing with Pilot. Managing to force myself to do something I was irrationally terrified about last night has made me feel much better about myself.
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