May 9, 2012
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I have raised an eyebrow
Things are various shades of mundane presently. Less chaotic furious though, and less sniffly pity party. I have been entertaining the notion of looking on the bright side of things and maybe reframing things, and maybe stepping up and doing things about the things that I CAN change. Apply a bit more balance, and control, over the way things are going.
I had a therapy session on Monday and like all good therapy sessions, the moments of awareness have come later - the actual content was very much along the lines of me moaning about my First World Problems. (Reminds me of that hilarious moment in star trek - oh the shame - where Counselor Troi suggests to her client that the reason her boss is being unfair to her is because he is tired of listening to her complain. Haha. "I certainly am. Imagine what it is like, listening to people whining about themselves all day long")
I have not been drinking. I am eating healthyfoods - both to lose weight and be healthy. I am taking my naps. I am trying, largely, to be more productive and hard working at my job. I am also painfully addicted to Bubble Witch Saga on facebook. I gave up trying to be a Wax Only Hair removal person and bought some razors. I have been using sudocrem on my face instead of moisturiser. I slept with a friend of mine, again, on purpose, and didn't tell anyone. I went for a walk with the Married Man, talked about the stars and let him kiss me - and then realised I didn't want to do that again. Of course, I might, because I'm an idiot.
The awkward thing about being damaged is that one doesn't always know if one is doing something, or not doing something, because one wants to, doesn't want to, or that one is being driven by some subconcious dysfunctional baggage. It leads one to doing stupid things, hunkering down and assessing, scouting missions, hiding, faking, acting, and predictably, drinking. The unfortunate thing is that despite it all, it is still almost impossible to work out which is which.
Which is, apparently, Life.
Ahhh.
Comments (2)
Oh, so many things here! This is a weird and wonderful post. Remember a million years ago, talking about that quote about how women with a sense of humour can never really be tragic figures? One has to be really humourless to take one's self seriously all the time.
You are NOT a tragic figure--and that's very good, because you'd be much less interesting. And I think it's wonderful you've not been drinking, mostly because I know it concerns you.
But what is "sudocrem?"
xxx.g.
@underused -
hmmmm it is a wonder cream, that came into my life as a nappy balm. Ha!