Today is most certainly spring!!! The willow trees have an orgy of green buds all over them, and just before, I went and sat outside in the sun for 5 minutes and let my white arms get pink. The winter was particularly nasty, but it didn't seem to drag on and on, thank goodness. Most people (apart from the Evil Harpy) seem to be reacting well to the sudden increase in sunlight. It is hard to link bad mood/depression with the rain/grey when you don't specifically dislike the rain/the grey...I've never been very good at maths anyway.

When I was very young, I was backstage at a dance production - my mother danced in the same company, so when all the other kids were gone, I got to hang out with the grown ups - watching someone who seemed infinitely older and glamouress [in reality she was probably 18] taking off her stage makeup and laughing with everyone else. She had a pile of sweets in her makeup case. Sometimes, she would unwrap one and pop it in her mouth. I remember wondering how she didn't just GOBBLE them up. I wished that she would offer ME a sweet. I was being very, very quiet - this was the best way to ensure you didn't get sent off to 'play elsewhere'. Eventually she noticed me watching her - I think she was getting her hair to do some amazing 80s feats with hairspray at the time - and she started chatting with me, asking me what dances I was in, the usual 'talk to the cute little kid' stuff. She said to me "would you like one?" gesturing to the pile of sweets. Oh rejoice! How wonderful! Just what I wanted!! So what comes out of my mouth? "Oh, no thank you". Are you sure? she says. "Yes, thank you for asking". Because imagine the embarrasment of someone knowing that you WANTED something.

Today, I put this photo of myself up as my profile pic on Facebook. I find it quite amusing because this is about as far away from how I would describe myself as you possibly could. I forgot that I smoked. I forgot that I wore Little Black Dresses like that. I forgot that I used to raise my eyebrows and not worry that my forehead obviously hadn't seen botox. I forgot that it is in fact possible to tweezer my own brows and paint my nails, straighten my hair and go to a party and be SAUCY. What has happened to me?

It hasn't rained, yet, today. There is blue sky. It makes me think that the mud will start to dry out, but the prognosis seems to be universally doom and gloom. I think that secretly, meteorologists enjoy alarming people with weather reports. Telling me that this stormy rainy slush inducing weather is meant to last til NOVEMBER does more than alarm me, I will tell you that for free. (I wouldn't say no if you were to offer a donation for the news, however. Gotta put gas in my car...)

I love this photo of Eddy, even though I look terrible....it was taken with my phone, driving down to the stables last night. Eddy was just such a happy girl, that I wanted to see if I could snap her 'smiling'... she is so cute! Such a merry wee soul - I don't know what I would do without her!!

(Plus, check out her stylish pink hoodie!!)

The training with Pilot is going so well, I am loving it! Most of the work we are doing in walk at the moment, but his responsiveness and relaxed attitude is just blowing me away! Last night I had been riding him for about 1 minute when my phone rang (it is always in the pocket of my gilet) and he let me talk on the phone for about 5 minutes while he kept plodding in the square formation that I had set him up on. Plodding is the wrong word to describe his fluid grace, but I cannot think of a better word to describe how reliable he felt.

Someone is mowing the grass verge in front of the office, the sound of the lawnmower makes me feel like it could be summer!!!!

Right now, it is blue sky and sunny. An hour ago it was black and grey and pouring with rain. Yes, I talk about the weather too much. It rains too much. Grrr.

Last night my therapist phoned me. Whatever it was that she said was quite soothing and slowed my thoughts down somewhat. I really do get myself working up over well, nothing. It is so nice to have someone available who is prepared to construct some words of wisdom.

My cellphone is being ARSE and won't send text messages. May as well cut off my fricking ARM. Or withhold oxygen. What did people do before text messaging.

Last night I got really stoned and wrote a letter that needless to say I will NOT be sending... I rambled away about my handwriting and how I was writing slowly which made me appreciate the individual swirls and flourishes of my handwriting. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

EDIT -

I fixed my phone! I whinged long enough about it and someone said "turn it off, take the battery off and then put it on again. Voila!!!! Just like a bought one.